The Pedal Log

Perspective is an entity rare in the moment of an event’s unfolding . This truth is so difficult to remember in those frantic moments after a race. Heaving desperate breaths, the dull yet paramount feelings of “I gave it everything” and “I’m not enough” are mixed, potent, and permeating. Reality is far from the front of my conscience. All I feel is the weight of doing my best and coming up short at the finish. This was my front line of combat – to hold at bay a pattern of thought removed from the truth and terribly short sighted. What I accomplished in Los Angeles this weekend wasn’t what I hoped for. I know I can do everything I did do better. But that’s not the point. The purpose of this trip was the experience itself. It was always meant to be a short stroke on a large portrait still being painted. I am in my infancy as a track rider. I love this specialization and I need to give myself more time and trust the process. Lessons Learned Organized by Race: Points Race – My a...

I take a deep breath “it’s going to be awesome” I say to myself for the umpteenth time. But, I don’t know what I mean. I am tired, nervous, and ready? It’s hard to pinpoint the exact state of my emotions going into my first elite track nationals. I don’t know where to place my expectations, I don’t know how to anticipate the effort these races will require, and, I don’t know how I feel about flying alone (seriously, I’ve never done this before). Uncertainty is natural. That said, I think it’s important to set aside these areas of “grey” for a moment.  I’ve worked hard for this. This summer has been focused and I’ve paid an almost primal attention to this mantra “dig deep, recover, rest, and repeat”. A small part of this devotion has been on the bike.  Real Life: It was, as my mother warned me, highly disorienting – graduating college. Suddenly you’re plunged into a new world of independence while also being torn away from the community, security, and routine campu...

This weekend was my last spent racing in the ACCC, and, represents my penultimate trip with the Belmont Abbey College cycling team. My emotions are spilling over and swirling together. I'm excited for the "what's next" of my life. But, wow, it's hard to leave this family behind. I never thought I'd spend two years of my undergrad as a student athlete. What a blessing to have had my friends and family support me in pushing out the door towards this grand adventure! I'm especially thankful for my parents, who walked with me faithfully through more than their fair share of my emotional adversity, my aunt and uncle, who consistently opened up their home/refrigerator to me whenever I had a bad day, and to my Belmont Abbey College friends, who snatched me out of my aloneness. I've certainly learned more in these past 24 months than I ever bargained on. I am in awe when I look back on what I, rather clumsily, accomplished and or survived . This experien...

I don't remember a race season that hasn't started this way. With feelings of excitement, the drudgery of hard training and early season racing evaporates as personal goals peak their hopeful rays over the horizon. Many times already this year, my hands and feet numb in the cold, my frozen face has hidden behind it daydreams of race wins miles and months away from the training that fills my days. I am a romantic. I like to think that one day I'll get it right, I'll win a "big race", I'll land a contract, and then I'll be fulfilled as a person and a cyclist. But, in reality, I know this idealization isn't reasonable. Perhaps it's because I've been chasing for so long. Years have passed without a standout performance to hang my hat on. Granted, there have been more than a few obstacles that have prevented such an event from happening. Sickness, accidents, and uncertain futures have all plagued my efforts. Each year I expect my circumstances...