Nervous and Ready?

I take a deep breath “it’s going to be awesome” I say to myself for the umpteenth time. But, I don’t know what I mean. I am tired, nervous, and ready? It’s hard to pinpoint the exact state of my emotions going into my first elite track nationals. I don’t know where to place my expectations, I don’t know how to anticipate the effort these races will require, and, I don’t know how I feel about flying alone (seriously, I’ve never done this before). Uncertainty is natural. That said, I think it’s important to set aside these areas of “grey” for a moment. 

I’ve worked hard for this. This summer has been focused and I’ve paid an almost primal attention to this mantra “dig deep, recover, rest, and repeat”. A small part of this devotion has been on the bike. 

Real Life:

It was, as my mother warned me, highly disorienting – graduating college. Suddenly you’re plunged into a new world of independence while also being torn away from the community, security, and routine campus life affords. It was jarring. I didn’t notice how difficult this transition was till about a month ago. Then, suddenly, I felt it. 

The most difficult thing I did this summer was this: to face adulthood and embracing it with a smile. There have been other difficulties, sure. Bills don’t pay themselves, graduate school details don’t organize spontaneously, and training landmarks don’t self-achieve. That’s all child’s play compared to growing up. 

Real Cycling Life:

Training has been rewarding. After traveling too ambitiously in the spring and early summer I decided to pull the plug. I was racing too much to progress as an athlete. I was, from early May through mid-June, averaging 1,200 miles of driving every weekend, 12 hours of sleep TOTAL on those weekends, and was making just enough in prize money to sustain the habit. I was getting good results but it wasn’t good for me. Thankfully, I self-terminated that self-destructive path with enough time to reset for my main goal this year, elite track nationals. 

I’ve been consistently training, regularly sleeping, and constantly progressing towards this event for the past six weeks. It doesn’t sound like much, but, this is a huge milestone for me. 

Previously, when building towards target events, I’ve always gotten distracted. I self-sabotage with race weekends that don’t get me any closer to my goals. This time I resisted. It was hard not to race. It was worth it. I am ready to race again. 

I’d like to thank my big brother, John Croom, for walking me through every step of this preparation. He’s been a constant source of encouragement, advice, and support. He’s made it his personal mission to get me through this first track nationals with as little stress as possible. I’m beyond grateful for his support. 

It’s also important to recognize the efforts of my coach, Derek Dalzell, who has gone above and beyond in catering a training plan to my hectic schedule. 

Be on the lookout for daily blog posts from California starting Friday. I’ll also be posting videos, photos, and little updates along the way on Facebook and Instagram.