The Storm

There it is again, a small storm in my stomach turning violently as an adrenaline-fueled roll of thunder lets loose a shattering retort from deep within my mind. This rumble of unstoppable emotion flies quickly from the center of my being out all the way to my now tingling fingers. The lightening flash of your face on my screen is the tornado that swept the feet from under my unsuspecting heart. I have been kidnapped by my own suppressed love. Torn from the ground by swirling gusts of confusion, I reach desperately for the shelter of deeply burrowed protocols and mental disciplines that have kept me safe in storms come before. I miss.

Floating upward in thrashing whirlwinds of turbulence, I find myself among the clouds. Enraptured by their stormy grey mist all perception of direction is lost. I float in a sickening feeling of weightlessness. My heart is racing, adrift in a haze of total ambiguity and complete nothingness. I don’t know if I am still rising, or if I have begun to fall. All that is left of my perception is the the knowledge that I am circling ever more passionate thoughts of loss. Then, suddenly, all is quiet.   


In the eye of the hurricane my tired body rests limp and fatigued. Happy memories of what used to be wander peacefully, slowly, and happily through my conscience. The fear that had overcome me as I was swept upward into an endless sky of missing you is gone. But, all too soon it is replaced by a dreadful knowledge that my momentum has been spent. In the tranquil center of the storm I fell in love again. In those moments you are with me in my memories. But, now I am falling away from you. Plummeting towards the earth I cry streams of tears amidst drops of rain, and with them splash against the earth. I realize I am nothing now; nothing without you.

Yet
Romans VIII:XXVIII

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